Sunday, December 28, 2008

Guest Blogger #1

And now, it's the moment we've all been waiting for! Well, at least the one I've been waiting for, since this is a surprise to my readers (so many of you!). I have a dear friend, who lives in Seattle, and she has written a wonderful piece as my guest blogger. If she likes writing them, she would be more than welcome to keep them coming once a month or so (hint, hint!) Enjoy, as I know I did:

The Things I Hate At This Very Moment
A Usually Happy Jen-In-Seattle Gets a Case of the Grumblecakes after Christmas

Dear people in public: I dislike you. A lot. A big pat on the back, yes, a huge pat for electing the first president in decades to motivate the masses in such a big and liberal way. Oh, and way to buckle down in this horrible economy, certainly we’re all doing the best we can in this uphill battle.

However, question: why must you wander around, bloated and half-awake, at your post-holiday sales at the mall(s)? There are others around you. It’s your prerogative to smell of dog food and walk with your mouths agape, but must you slow down the foot traffic and clog up the entryways of establishments? I take complete joy in whipping past you and smacking you with my big purse if you’re not following basic rules of walking. You don’t know I’m doing it anyway; you’re too busy looking for the ultimate frozen yogurt and cheapest pairs of jeans on Christmas clearance.

I’m thinking also of starting a petition to make all smug married men go to their own separately-mandated bars. Why must they involve themselves in the single scene when they clearly have no place there? Once you’re out all you can converse about is being married anyway. Go back to your homes to talk about it with your wives, then, in the suburbs with your baby slings and minivans… your garish wedding rings are too much to handle. If I get enough signatures I’ll take this petition to Mayor Nickels.

Dear weather: act normal! Where do you get off stopping business as usual for a week and a half by dumping two feet of snow on an unsuspecting and unprepared city? We get rain, that’s all we’ve budgeted for with our city roads. We own 27 plows, all of which are rubber-tipped and cannot scrape ice. We are a green city, so we cannot salt nor sand. So, we sat and waited for it all to melt. Meanwhile, commerce was crippled: people couldn’t purchase gifts in this already-burdened economy. Families couldn’t fly out to see each other and were stranded at airports. No one could go to work because the buses were busy smashing through guardrails and generally not in service. Weather, should we consider moving the holidays to the summer? Will that make you happy?

Cheers to 2009, may she be load-bearing and ready to roll up her sleeves!

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