Many of you may know that I had a colonoscopy in April. Probably because I talk about it all the time. You see, my family seems minorly obsessed with poo, and I have certainly taken the lead on that one.
So I'm supposed to get this colonoscopy, right? This doctor is seriously a joke and I'll tell you why. I can't even remember his name or I'd mention it right here and now. The day before my colonoscopy was scheduled for I called the doctor's office to verify the time for the next day. "How'd you like that juice?" he asked. "What juice?" I retorted. "The juice that will clean out your system. Oh crap, I guess I forgot to tell you." Are you f-ing kidding me? You're the doctor. These are things that you are supposed to know! I mean I suppose I thought I should just take some Ex-Lax and call it a night. So by the time I called him and found this out it was 6:00 in the evening. I went to CVS and bought this "juice" that was a gallon container. How in God's name am I supposed to drink an entire gallon by the time I go to bed in 4 hours? There is NO WAY. I would drown my self. But I sure tried.
The next day when I got to the appointment, I told him that I couldn't finish it with such little notice. I guess he still wanted to try, but I was kind of scared because if the path isn't clear in the colon he could puncture it, and then I'd have to carry around a bag from my side. At lease that's what my sister told me and she's a nurse. I trust her every judgement! Honestly, could you imagine me walking around with a bag of poo hanging off my side like I'm some old man? Sick!
The doctor took a bunch of pictures inside my colon and they are seriously a bunch of really gross pictures. I'm sure I was no help whatsoever, but he should learn to give people some headway for the "juice!"
Passover from the Archives 2018
3 weeks ago