Thursday, February 5, 2009


There's this person I've been seeing lately in the mornings on the train. He really bugs me, so I thought I'd write about him. He's ALWAYS wearing the same thing, and that is: really baggy (not even semi-stylish in 1995 baggy) jeans, an oversized jean jacket, and a baseball cap with Chinese letters on it. Now. Let that image roll through your head for a minute. He also has long stringy hair, glasses, is in his early 20s, and is easily 6'-5" tall. Bad, bad, bad. Sometimes I just wish I could take a ruler and smack his hand to snap him out of it. How does he leave home in the morning wearing SO MUCH denim? I'll bet his couch is also denim, as well as a couple of denim pillows and a comforter thrown in.

So I've been seeing him a few times a week on the subway lately, but this morning he happened to bring his breakfast with him. His "breakfast" was an entire litre of Mountain Dew, and a Zinger. If you don't know what a Zinger is, it's a chocolate cake with white cream filling like you might get in a vending machine. Sick. For breakfast? I'm surprised he hasn't been kicked out of this city yet. When you're on the move in Chicago, for breakfast, you have your bagel, or your kashi, or your granola, but for heaven's sake, you do not eat a gooey chocolate thing with a Mountain Dew! Especially when you are cheek to cheek with hundreds of yuppies and other professionals on the subway. If you must do this, do it at home, alone, behind locked doors. It would do us all some good. Honestly, I could not imagine downing a huge litre of Mountain Dew first thing in the morning. Or any time of day, for that matter. The thought of it just makes my teeth hurt and my stomach upset. But that breakfast, coupled with the Canadian tuxedo just made the entire picture complete.

Seriously, I think that an intervention may be possible in the near future. I only wish I had the guts to snap a picture of this guy.


Subway Gal said...

I'm glad you didn't have a camera because this guy sound positively awful. Next time you see him on the train take out mace, point it in his direction, and watch him never appear on the same train as you again. Though you may start to notice that you are suddenly being tailed by a cop.

Red from Ktown said...

Well, it's the caffeine gotten by pee-colored semi-bubbly water in an unearthly day-glo green bottle OR a double-half-calf-macchiato-espresso-with-a-dollop-or-3-of-extra-virgin-whipped-cream-Grande....He took his pick. I agree with the zinger though. I prefer the chocolate coconut Snowballs...haha.