My youngest sister, Audra, is 21, and will be 22 next month. She is honestly the funniest person I know. These things might not be funny to you, but they are all from our past when we were younger, and I wanted to share them with everyone. Please let me know some funny things from your past with your family, I'd be very interested in hearing them!
-Once I thought it would be funny to put a bunch of brown bananas on my sister's bed, so she would think someone (or something) pooed on her bed. What really happened was that the bananas melted (they were frozen for banana bread), they left this gross brown ooze all over her covers.
-When we were little we used to play horsey. In this game we would ride one another like a horse and try to tame the "wild beast." The "wild beast" was always named "Po'kern," which is the southern version of the word, "Popcorn." My dad would always get mad at us so we would yell, "Po'kern settle down before dad gives us a spanking!"
-I have two sisters, and when one would get a spanking, the other two of us would just die laughing at the noice of the spanking upstairs.
-Once while at the farm in Tennessee, my sister was running through a huge pile of cow poo with her boots on. Well she got in so deep that the boots were sucked off by the cow poo and she was running in her socks!
-Once my tiny Italian great grandmother was over at our house, and she was opening the fridge after dinner to put food away. Well, the force of her opening the fridge made a huge fart come out, and we were dying laughing. Later that evening, she was headed upstairs (I can only imagine to use the bathroom), and as she rose the stairs, she let a little gas out each time she stepped. Freaking hilarious.
-Whenever we were on our way home from church on Sundays (it was a half-hour drive, because there were very few Catholics in northeast Tennessee), we would play "tissue factory" in the back seat. One of us would grab the tissue box, pull out a tissue, and crunch it up. Then he or she would pass it on to the next sibling and he or she would flatten it out nicely. Then they would pass it on to the third sibling and they would lay it in a pile to put back in the box later. We would always get wild, or get into a fight, so my dad would screech the old brown Chrysler to a halt on the side of the road and smack our knees to straighten us out.
-We had some good family friends who were Vietnamese. Whenever they would come over they would always bring the most delicious home made egg rolls. The man, Hugh, once asked my sister, Audra if she liked chicken. However with his accent, it came out more like this: "Soooo Auura. You like sheeeeken?" We still use that one to this day.
-My sisters and I would always watch the movie "The Witches," with Anjelica Houston. We would constantly repeat lines from the movie amongst ourselves.
-We always would rent "Poltergeist III" and reinact the part where Carol Anne comes out of the mirror and grabs Tangina, turning her brown and dried out, and then being thrown on the ground by Carol Anne's uncle. That was a fun one, because we had to do it on an old matress in the basement so we wouldn't get hurt falling over.
-My sister loved the cartoon, "Beauty and the Beast, " so she had this plastic painted doll of Belle. Once I got mad at her and scrubbed the dolls head on Audra's headboard on her bed and it left brown skid marks, which, if I'm not mistaken, are still there.
-Once in church I thought it would be funny to pull out one of Audra's hairs. So I did it and she turned to me and said, "Ow, Abe, you huuut (hurt) me." Don't ask me why I thought this would be funny, but we still laugh about it to this day.
-We still constantly quote "Uncle Buck," especially about the rat gnawing that thing off the principal's face.
-We also played bank with old credit cards of my moms by swiping it in the crease between the headrest and the seat on the old bucket seats. That one's not as funny, but it's a memory.
-Another not-so-funny one was when I played post office with my dad's old junk mail. I would put chairs in a circle to make my "office." Then I would put a laundry basket to collect the mail that I would have my sisters drop into the "chute" formed by the chair.
I will try to think of some more tales of my past, but would love to hear all of yours!! Please share!
My Rabbi and Katharine Hepburn
3 months ago